no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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