I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
