Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
