So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
