Having a random hookup so left but love u
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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