I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize