Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
