Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
