Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
