He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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