My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
