i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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