YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
