Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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