So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
