Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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