Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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