sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
