Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
