I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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