Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
