Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I touched a dick in church today
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
