just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
