Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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