I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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