They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
