I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
