I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
