i permit you to call me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
