it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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