You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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