So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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