im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
