Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
