I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
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