Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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