i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
