Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
