my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
