Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
