YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
