whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
