I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
