Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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