are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
