I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
