Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
