It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
