pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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