Christians are straight up FREAKS
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
