she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
