Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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