Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
