I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
