omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
