that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize