She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
