My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
