remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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