And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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