"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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