so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
