Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
