Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
