Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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