I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
