I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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