He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
