there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
