Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
