Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
