omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize