dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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