oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
