so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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