he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
