Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
