It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
