my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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