She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
