? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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