How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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