Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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