Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
