Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So vagazzling was a success
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
