What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
