i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
