and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
