yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ugly people sure do ruin things
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
