I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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