maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
