where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
