I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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