If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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