ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
