I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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