also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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